I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm lost and stupid without you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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