Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Mom said you looked used
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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