We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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