So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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