I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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