I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize