omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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