Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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