In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
