wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
