there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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