Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
