Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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