Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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