NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize