i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
