I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
