Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
