I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
