you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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