he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
