six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
