Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
