Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
