do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
