why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
