2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
