Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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