I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
