i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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