Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
