she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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