Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
