My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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