Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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