And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
