Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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