Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
how does that bad decision feel?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
