I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
