i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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