You're my little dorito
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
