I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
