just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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