Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
