White coat. Heels.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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