Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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