I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
