to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
