I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
