When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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