I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
