You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
