his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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