Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
