she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
