I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
