this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
