woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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