Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
