those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
