You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
as a side note pls kill me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize