Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize