when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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