God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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