I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
