your room smells of hookers.
And success
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
