He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
