I will die if light touches me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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