do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
