you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
