Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
