ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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