she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
