hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
