umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
