i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
