suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
