I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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